last friday...
we finally talk about "us"
that night i am about to end things up...
i want to break up with him...
but then i want to hear his side...
i want to hear the truth...
why he is acting like that...
i want to hear with him the he dont love me anymore, that he is not happy, that he dont want me to be part of his life...
those are the lines that i want to hear from him for me to stop and to let him go...
he told me that he is not happy...i asked him why?actually it broke my heart
he told me that he has no right to tell me that he is not happy...he says that he is not happy because he is trying to limit himself to be more at ease with me...so the problem is not with me, but with him...
i want to help him..i know something is wrong with him, he has a problem that he cant share...i want him to stop thinking what IF's, i want him to stop thinking that nothing is permanent in this world..yeah he is right nothing is permanent in this world...and because of that why not live your life to the fullest...we only have 1 life to live...he keeps on building walls and limitations but he is not happy...why not destroy that wall that you keep in building around you...and just be happy with those people who love you and you love...
actually i pity him for faking himself that he loves pushing me away but then he knows that it is also hard for him...so i asked my self am i going to let go of this man?where in i know deep inside me i cant, idont want to let him go and to get out of my life....im not a quitter...i know what i want...and i dont easily let go of things/persons/dreams that i know i cant live without...and when i told you that i love you and i wont leave you, i wont get tired...i mean it...and everything that you've told me means a lot to me...
but then i dont hear the words i dont love you anymore, instead he told me that he loves me...
so theres a big question mark...why?why acting like that..why treating me like this when you love me?why pushing me away?
i dont even hear the lines that i want you to get out of my life....instead he reminize the past... he told me how "us" started...from 2006-2009....and my tears fall...i miss everything and i just realize that we've been through a lot...so why stop holding on...this are just obstacles that we need to surpass for our relationship to be stronger...
if you think that i dont deserve you..thats one b*llsh*t..of all those guys who wants to be with me...i chose you because i know your the one who deserves me..so dont prove me that im wrong in choosing you and stop proving them that theres other guy who is more desrving than you..because for me the one and only guy who deserves me is YOU...
and if your thinking that your unfair to me, stop acting that as if you dont care and love..because of acting so Cold and distant yes you are unfair...all you have to do is to show how much i mean to you..even if i dont see you even if we dont see each other almost everyday, i dont care, all you have to do is to assure me that "hey jah i love you, yeah i do.."you know that im not a demanding girlfriend, i understand all of your flaws, if your afraid that one day i get tired, fall out of love I WONT, I'll never get tired and fall out of LOVE, you may say that im just telling this, but then i know within me that i mean it...you know why because i have faith... in my love for you and your love for me...
a lil effort, a lil time is enough for me...spending even just an hour with you means a lot to me...having you around makes me happy...
im also afraid that one day you'll wake up and realize taht you dont love me anymore, that you are not happy, that you are sick nad tired of US, that you met someone, you fall out of love, you fell for other girl..those stuffs bothers me...but then when i look back of everything that we've been through, of all the words that you've said, your promises, your LOVE...those worries vanish...
but i cant do this alone, i also need your cooperation, if you want our relationship to work...you also need to do something....we are partners and if we want this relationship to be successful we BOTH need to do something...it is just a matter of having faith, trust, understanding, open communication...its just give and take...
its just enjoying every single moment...
stop worrying about stupid things...
i miss everything..i miss the old you...i miss having you around...i miss silly fights...but most of all i miss my boyfriend...
ILOVE YOU LDJM...
ilove you no matter what...
Currently feeling: touched
