October 6th, 2008
reality bites
i thought when i talk to him personally and tell everything that i want to tell everything will be fine...
after talking to him last sunday it feels good in a way that i release what i kept inside..
but now id realize that it will never be fine...
its getting harder and harder..
its very tough waking up thinking of him and remind myself that everything is over and before going to sleep that it was him i am thinking of....
its hard to pretend that i am alright, that i am happy in front of others...
its hard to put fake smile on my face just to show them that im doing good...
but definitely i am not..
its hard to pretend that i am happy when deep inside i am totally broken...
its hard to move on and to accept the reality that i should go on with my life without him..
it will never be an easy thing to do...
im on my adjustment period...a very tough period of my life..
i need to get to use that no text message from him saying goodmorning, goodnight, ilove you..etc.
i need to get to use that there will be no guy who will wait me until the end of my class..a guy that will wait for me until i rode on the bus...
its just i have a lot of things to get to use to...and its very hard...
its hard to wait...
its hard to hold on a promise that i am hoping that he will never broke...
its hard when no one knows how much pain i feel inside...
its hard when i want to do something to ease the pain but somehow i cant do anything...
